Archive for the ‘gAuto’ category

If Google Made A Car

December 31, 2010

By now, most people have heard Google is testing cars that drive themselves. Which, is kinda cool. But, consistent with my earlier post on “If Apple Made a Car” I’d like to explore the allegory of a Google Car. So, here goes:

  • You don’t buy a gAuto. It is strictly by referer only.
  • Right off the bat, the gAuto is a stark white box. No visible seams, tires, nothing and only one very plain point of entry. Also worth noting, there are no Windows. Just lots of Chrome.
  • Don’t be fooled. The gAuto is deceptively complex. Only PhD’s can tinker under the hood.
  • The only known mechanic is one “Matt Cutts”. Identifiable by the “I’m not Matt Cutts” t-shirts he wears.
  • On the inside is wraparound seating with one BigTable in the middle.
  • The ignition starts with one of two buttons “Drive” or “Feeling Lucky” (I strongly suggest the “Drive” button for most occasions)
  • The gAuto goes from stock still to your final destination (no matter how far) in 0.24 seconds. They’re constantly working on acceleration. (It’s the breaking they have a problem with.)
  • The navigation is simply Voice activated. Arriving at your intended destination is dependent upon how specific you can be with your input.
  • Insurance for your gAuto is provided on a daily basis by whoever has bid the most for the privilege.
  • Traveling outside the magic triangle is discouraged.
  • Don’t forget to plug your gAuto in at night… it’s an all-electric jalopy after all.
  • Mileage is all relative.
  • The Owner’s Manual is quite specific, “Objects in the mirror are nowhere as big as we are.”
  • And, every gAuto has the same license plate: “B.E.T.A.”

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.