Harry Potter Spoiler or Outing Fake Steve Jobs?
Go ahead. Pick one. Get it over with.
OK, here’s how it goes. Voldemort (he’s the bad guy and looks a LOT like Steve Ballmer after one visit too many to Jenny Craig) is really gunning for Harry Potter (he’s the kid with the “Your iPod is charging” mark on his forehead). Voldemort catches up with Harry at the Fifth Street Apple Store and suggests he prepare to be Hama Kavula’d or Klatu Barada Nikto’d (something like that). Anyway, he’s going to blast Harry to smithereens is the gist.
But, Harry’s friends are there to save his ass. Weasley and Hermione (think of a skinny Phil Schiller and well, there’s noone quite so annoying as a snotty Hermione in the Apple cosmos… so, just think of her instead), they show up and tell The Monkey Who Shall Not Be Named to go pound sand. To which he proceeds to lay down the law with his +8 Zune. To his surprise this non-standards following attack actually works and Weasley and Hermione run for the hills (more afraid of the device than the bearer). This leaves us mano-a-mano.
How will it all play out? Does Ass Face thump Potter? Yeah. He thoroughly trounces the crap out of him. He wins the world. But, in the end Harry gets one helluva obit in the Wall Street Journal ala Walt Mossberg (and all kinds of Journo school accolades well into the 23rd millenia) and Voldesoft exists for the rest of time as a bitter, old has-been with no worthy enemies left to spar with.
Harry Potter is The Real Fake Steve Jobs. So, Voldemort unknowingly whacked the wrong dude (for which we are all truly saddened). The REAL Harry Potter (and his skeerdy lolcat friends) now toil away at improving their tans on the lawn at an undisclosed Edinburgh castle counting their boogie and earwax flavored beans.