If Google Made A Car

By now, most people have heard Google is testing cars that drive themselves. Which, is kinda cool. But, consistent with my earlier post on “If Apple Made a Car” I’d like to explore the allegory of a Google Car. So, here goes:

  • You don’t buy a gAuto. It is strictly by referer only.
  • Right off the bat, the gAuto is a stark white box. No visible seams, tires, nothing and only one very plain point of entry. Also worth noting, there are no Windows. Just lots of Chrome.
  • Don’t be fooled. The gAuto is deceptively complex. Only PhD’s can tinker under the hood.
  • The only known mechanic is one “Matt Cutts”. Identifiable by the “I’m not Matt Cutts” t-shirts he wears.
  • On the inside is wraparound seating with one BigTable in the middle.
  • The ignition starts with one of two buttons “Drive” or “Feeling Lucky” (I strongly suggest the “Drive” button for most occasions)
  • The gAuto goes from stock still to your final destination (no matter how far) in 0.24 seconds. They’re constantly working on acceleration. (It’s the breaking they have a problem with.)
  • The navigation is simply Voice activated. Arriving at your intended destination is dependent upon how specific you can be with your input.
  • Insurance for your gAuto is provided on a daily basis by whoever has bid the most for the privilege.
  • Traveling outside the magic triangle is discouraged.
  • Don’t forget to plug your gAuto in at night… it’s an all-electric jalopy after all.
  • Mileage is all relative.
  • The Owner’s Manual is quite specific, “Objects in the mirror are nowhere as big as we are.”
  • And, every gAuto has the same license plate: “B.E.T.A.”
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Explore posts in the same categories: Apple, gAuto, Google

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